I was at the airport, waiting for my flight to board. After going on earlier that morning about how everything had gone smoothly for a change, my flight was delayed due to weather. After emailing my friends about this, I was reminded that the universe does indeed hate me. I have highly suspected this was the case all along. I don't know what I’ve ever done to it, but I’m going to love it anyway. I’m going to give it a pinch on the cheek and tell it to go have a bath and calm down. It’s a bit sulky.
Telling it off really doesn’t do anyone any good. It is tempting, though. When I have been unable to resist, it gets all passive-aggressive and does something else hideous. The only rational choice is to love it and let it be no matter what it does. It's a stingy, surly, asshole of a Universe. (I hope it's not listening.) Surely, it's ineffably vast and beautiful, and transcends petty concerns like time and meaning. It plays a mean, random game, and should have a yellow card thrown at it for being unnecessarily foul. Even so, hating it only poisons the hater.
Who and where is the referee? Is it a god? I don’t think so. If I thought one existed, I would think he/she/it needs a yellow card too. It’s an endless cycle of infinite regression in which nobody can stop the universe from doing whatever it damn well is going to do. As wonderful as it would be to have an unbiased and fair buffer between me and the rest of existence,or in between everyone who needs solace, protection, food, peace, etc. and the cold infinity of soul-less space, in my heart I don't believe there is one.
Someone once asked me if I had any faith, and I said, "No, I don't." That's not quite true, I've come to realize. Even though I can't know with certainty, I believe that time will pass and things will happen. That's the sum total of my faith. The conclusion that logically follows is each moment should be cherished, even in the midst of pain and tragedy. Right now is all there is. For me, there is no redemption, no savior, no fluffy afterlife. There is always something to smile about, be grateful for, marvel about, or be comfortingly humbled by, right now, if I choose to look at it that way. I often do.